I Love You
by Trivher
Summary: It's um well errr. Just read it ok?


**This song is called "To Where You Are." It's sung by Josh Groban on this particular track.  It was written by Linda Thomas.  I don't own anything, and sadly I mean that.**

_Who can say for certain   
Maybe you're still here   
I feel you all around me   
Your memories so clear _

In the darkened room I pressed button on the remote to begin the show.  Re-play the memories and the pain again.  I thought years from now we'd sit back and watch these tapes, laughing at ourselves and how we had changed so drastically.  Admire and go awwwwwww at the scenes with Jack and Fiona.  I never thought I'd be here without you.  I never thought I'd feel so much pain, even after all these years.  Maybe I'm trying too hard to hold on the memories of yesterday to allow myself to heal.  But I'm not ready to leave this section on my life behind.  Because I feel your love with me even now.  
  
_Deep in the stillness   
I can hear you speak   
You're still an inspiration   
Can it be  
That you are mine   
Forever love   
And you are watching over me from up above_

Our wedding.  The white dress even though we both know I was no longer eligible for that tradition.  The kilt of yours always set my emotions out of control, I could barely contain myself.  But I always matched.  You were able to calm my nervous in some many ways.  Watching our first official kiss as 'one' my lips start to tingle as if at the moment I am being kissed.  I want to hold you.  Please let me one last time!  Or to at least see you.  These videos aren't enough.  I need more.  God damn it I deserve more!

"Richard Christopher Phillips do you take this women to honor and cherish…."  You know some days I find myself wishing you had said no. To save me from this pain.

  
_Fly me up to where you are   
Beyond the distant star   
I wish upon tonight   
To see you smile   
If only for awhile to know you're there   
A breath away's not far   
To where you are _

Our children are practilly grown and left the nest.  Soon they won't need or want me around.  And I'll be stuck here alone with the ghost I can't break away from.  I want to me with you.  Nothing is worth it for me here anymore.  Even it's only for a moment to have a look around at wherever you may be.  And to ask you one simple question; Was losing all of us worth all of this?  
  
_Are you gently sleeping   
Here inside my dream   
And isn't faith believing   
All power can't be seen_

As I sat watching our life together play before me I can smell your cologne in the air.  Bleeding into my nostrils, I used to hate that smell now I can't get enough of it. Whenever I encounter someone new or a stranger passing by on the street with that scent I want to scream out your name.  I once even considering writing to the manufacturer and requesting for the line to be discontinued.  Foolish I know.  I find myself wondering now these sights, sounds, and scents around me are they completely out of control in my head?  Or are you really here standing over me?  I know some say there are dome things that a moral human is not to know, but that doesn't help me any.  
  
_As my heart holds you   
Just one beat away   
I cherish all you gave me everyday   
'Cause you are mine   
Forever love   
Watching me from up above_

It's not fair for any of us you know that right?  I needed a husband, a best friend, and business partner, and so much more.  The kids needed a father, a friend, and a role model.  And not just for a few years.  I'm talking about a forever type of arrangement here.  In my heart and soul which at times I'm not sure even existed, but at moments like this I need for it too, I know that will always be near.  Will shape our lives and be apart of us till the end of time.  

  
_And I believe   
That angels breathe   
And that love will live on and never leave _

A love like ours can't be destroyed that easily.  Lets just call this a pretty hefty bump in the road while we wait to be together again.  
  
_Fly me up   
To where you are   
Beyond the distant star   
I wish upon tonight   
To see you smile   
If only for awhile   
To know you're there   
A breath away's not far   
To where you are_

I press the stop button to end the what I have now started to call the parade of emotions.  I don't need a videotape to remember your face and sweet embrace.  I'll I need to do is close my eyes and there you are.  Holding me.  Fulfilling with a love no other can.  And I can see your face in my heart, so you are always near.  Always.  
  
_I know you're there   
A breath away's not far   
To where you are_

I love you Rick.


End file.
